


The Sexy Times No One Asked For

by GallifreyanPal



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dreamswap (Undertale), Crack, M/M, Terrible unrealistic smut tropes, You Have Been Warned, and exactly what this entails, crackfic, you know exactly what that means
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:04:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanPal/pseuds/GallifreyanPal
Summary: Dream and Nightmare display the correct down and dirtying.





	The Sexy Times No One Asked For

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry.
> 
> (disclaimer: please don't contact kai about this. they already got an earful from me.)

It was a Very Normal Day for one (1) Nightmare von Licht. He was gayly  snogging his boyfriend, Dream, like normal, in the middle of his office. Like they did all day, every day, because fan service.

Until one day, Dream did the unthinkable. He pulled back from Nightmare’s mouth, the obligatory string of saliva still connecting them before Dream licked his lips and broke it, all the while giving Nightmare bedroom eyes.

“Nightmare.”

“Yeah, Dream?”

“I think it’s time to escalate things a bit.”

Nightmare was taken aback, because of course he was otherwise there would be no conflict and they would just fuck. “But - Dream-”

Dream put a finger to Nightmare’s mouth. “It’s Dreamy-kun, remember? Fan service,” he whispered softly.

Nightmare coughed loudly and then shifted his position, resuming the dialogue. “But……… Dreamy-k-k-k-kun,” he said, taking unnecessary pauses and stuttering way too much.

Dream swooped Nightmare off of his feet and carried him out of the office, bridal style, headed towards the Designated Sex Area. “Do not be afraid, dear Nighty-chan.”

“-Chan is a feminine suffix.”

“Yaoi stereotypes.”

“Fair.”

Dream entered a room in the Designated Sex Area and tossed Nightmare onto the bed, because apparently throwing people on beds regardless of their current position is a porn trope that people find hot. He closed the door and then sexily removed his jacket.

Nightmare gasped from atop the bed. “Oh Dreamy~” 

Dream gave the Sexy Senpai Smirk, clambering on top of him. “Are you ready, dear?”

Nightmare sort of did that shy effeminate dakimakura pose on top of the sheets, gasping softly. “Dreamy… you should know…” He paused, much too long for any reasonable tension, “.........it’s my first time.” You know, despite being like 125 or something.

Dream’s eyebrows raised like 15 miles above his head but you know, that’s okay, physics don’t really apply in this verse anyways because they’re gonna go raw without condoms anyways because why bother with protection and safety if it’s fanfic.

“I’ll be gentle,” Dream said, flashing that very tooth glinting smile he used in the poster which they were about to completely ignore. 

Clothes were gone in the next two seconds because god, they should just fuck already I’m the author and I’m bored with the foreplay because I’m a horny 11 year old wattpad author whose parents don’t pay enough attention to the sites I visit online and what I read and see. And then, because magic, Dream dramatically whipped out his fucking lemon colored schlong.

“Ohhhhhhh Dreamy it's so biiiiiig,” Nightmare practically moaned already, because apparently having a big 10 inch dick is something to gawk about even though vaginas aren't usually built to take more than 6 - 8 inches and anuses even less but go off I guess. Also it's Nightmare’s first time but he apparently knows if a dick is big or not. 

Dream smirked for like the 10th time because sexy doms don't have any other expressions. “Would you like my Big Dingaling inside of you?”

Nightmare gasped and in that moment dramatically summoned some shitty grape ass. Really I don't even think it's an ass because Ecto Pussy is what's hip with the kids (literally) these days. Not even for trans reasons or to perpetuate the fact that sex =/= gender but because of either self insert for afab kids or because Straight. 

“Yes!” Nightmare dramatically threw the back of his hand against his forehead. “Oh Dreamy, stick your big meat stick in me.”

No prep involved, Dream fucking thrust that big hunk of flesh inside of him. By all logic, Nightmare should have been screaming in pain and Dream should have been in mild discomfort or even pain, especially if Nightmare's hymen was miraculously intact. But no, even with the Safe Sex poster looming ominously over them, everything was fine and dandy. 

“OooOOOhhhHhhhhHhHHh,” Nightmare moaned like some sort of porn star, squirming around on the Sexy Slim Jim. 

So they like, fucked for a bit with no variety because really what do kids know about the varieties of sex. 

“OoooOOooOOoohhHHh Dreamy, I feel so strange,” Nightmare said, apparently never having felt close to orgasm before because, you know, denial of masturbation as a thing that exists plus some stupid kink that all these 11 year olds have about being innocent and a dumb fuck or whatever. 

Dream cupped Nightmare's face. “Go on, cum for me~~~~~~~” Dream said, exactly like that with all the squiggles because Sexy.

Nightmare did the porn star moan again and then Dream came too even though simultaneous orgasms are rare as all hell but they happen like every other fic. Sure. Anyways Nightmare keeps moaning like a porn star because of the dripping magic semen all up in his insides. Birth control? Don't know her.

Anyways then they fall asleep after saying their I love yous because this is fanfic and they never bother with the essential shit like pissing after sex and cleaning up in general because Hygiene is Important, Kiddos. They're just sleeping. 

The End. 

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it. To celebrate my 18th birthday, I've graced you all with a parody of terrible Wattpad fanfiction and its tropes.
> 
> Enjoy.


End file.
